Today's Memories January 11, 2010

Nate is playing with some very LOUD toys in the living room this morning while Juliana sits at the kitchen table pretending to teach herself some new Spanish words.

"Okay, this (holding up napkin) is (blah, blah, blah) in Spanish,"Juliana says quietly...

Bang, Kerplunk, BOOM!!!

"Nate!" she says, "could you please be quiet, I'm trying to talk to myself and I can't hear!"

On The Lighter Side

While I've been unpacking, Nate and Jules have been getting creative with keeping themselves entertained!

Nate's developed a new passion for skydiving- Don't ask me where he discovered this new interest! He spent a few hours yesterday building his own "jet pack" complete with parachute and goggles to help him jump from the stairs!

Note to Pete- please install extra locks on Nate's bedroom windows...

Finding Rhythm

After re-reading yesterday's post about procrastination, I realized that although a lot of the procrastination part of it is true, I am also suffering from a wee bit of disorganization!

The last few years of several moves and changes and plain old craziness around here and there, has left very little room for our family to develop any permanent routines or better yet, rhythm. All afternoon yesterday, I pondered ideas about what I could do to make things flow better for us, and then it dawned on me just how badly I really crave that sense of rhythm in our daily lives. Although we are doing really well overall, our recent multiple transitions have led to lots of change, reinventing, disorder, disorganization, and most importantly, lack of schedule, and or rhythm.

I spent some time last night reading up on developing and setting a rhythm in your family's life, and found several great places to start, including this site where ideas about about repetition, establishing good habits and a sense of knowing all lead to a smooth flowing day and a well slept night. Creating rhythmic methods for mornings, meals and bedtimes is also key.

I am eager to start working toward creating some rhythm for our family, what kinds of routines does your family rely upon?

The Art of Procrastination

I have always been known as a day dreamer, people pleaser, and yes, if you can believe it or not, a big time procrastinator. If you've known me for a long time, then while reading the above sentence you gave a small chuckle, but still nodded your head in complete agreement!

As I've matured, (okay, just gotten older) I've worked hard to lasso in those fleeting thoughts and to spend more time being focused on what needs to get done. I've also learned that no matter how hard I try, there will no doubt be times when I can't please everyone, right? And making the time to make myself happy every once in a while isn't such a bad thing either.

But as far as procrastinating...ugh. I am notorious. It's not that I spend my days goofing off, or lounging around. I mean, come on: The last 14 months were spent moving 3 times, between 3 states, selling and buying 3 homes, unpacking, working on completing a master degree, oh yeah, and still squeezing in time to raise two small children, and try and calm the built up stresses compiling around my husband. I'm not making excuses, just telling like it is.

I really have tried to overcome this procrastination thing, I swear I have! But everyday new things pile up on my to do list and often other (sometimes more enjoyable-I'll admit it) events seem to get in the way of my accomplishing that ever-growing list.

With the New Year, however, I promised myself to work on it. I decided that I was over putting off today what I could do tomorrow! In fact, this past Monday, as I looked ahead to the kids return to preschool today, I tried hard to get back into routine mode. I tried to organize my thoughts, preparing and making a mental list of all that I needed to do the night before so that I wouldn't be frantic this morning trying to find matching clothes, misplaced lunch boxes, or pleading with my (sometimes turtle paced) 4-year-old son (also a day dreamer) to just (please, oh please) move a little bit faster!

Last night, I set out both my own and the kid's clothes, packed dry goods in lunch totes, found book bags and placed them by the door, decided on breakfast, and even set out bowls, spoons, cups and napkins. Wow, was I proud of myself! I even made it into bed by 9:45 pm, ensuring a decent amount of sleep for a 6:45 wake up call-despite foreseeing several middle of the night wakings by Nate, Jules and or the dogs (yes, the dogs actually paw at my arm as I lay in bed, begging for me to let them out just one more time!). After dropping off the kids at school, I planned to head to the library to work on my thesis- which I've been procrastinating the completion of for oh, about two years now!

So, just when I thought I'd step outside of my procrastination shell and actually prepared for something with great thought and intention, I still fell flat on my face.

1.) It somehow, still took me 45 minutes to get every one's lunches together (mine and Pete's included)

2.) Nate slept late, and took at least 30 minutes to properly wake up and be functional enough to sit at the table and eat breakfast (which of course I'd prepared slightly different than Juliana's resulting in his refusing to eat)

3.) I spent an extra 10 minutes scowering the kitchen for a travel coffee cup lid for my husband (who left the other two mugs in his office this week)

4.) Nate refused to begin the "getting dressed process" unless I was actually in his bedroom with him

5.) Shoes, I'd forgotten the shoes! Of course, all three sets of Juliana's had been (perfectly) hidden in a box in the dining room earlier yesterday

6.) I'd neglected to get together my own bag with computer, books, and other materials needed to work with at the library

7. ) And last but not least, I'd realized that I'd told myself last night that I would look up the library's opening hours this morning...and of course I remembered this after the laptop had been shut down and packed up in my bag...where were the darn phone books?

And so it was, despite my efforts, I was left with approximately 7 minutes to shower, dress and brush my teeth, before scooting out the door (forgetting breakfast for myself) 1 hour and 40 minutes after my 6:45 wake up call.

Ahhhhh....maybe I'll plan to be better at all of this tomorrow....

A Reminder of Innocence

As squeals of laughter echo from the adjacent room, I find myself feeling relieved to finally hear playful sounds coming from my two children. We’ve only been in our new house for a few days, and without the convenience of their favorite toys or TV, and no one else to entertain them but me, they’ve been encouraged to create their own fun. I hear scrambling feet, and as the squeals come closer, my 2-year-old, Juliana, zips past me grinning widely as her brother, Nate, scrambles at her heels, promising to “tickle torture her.” The boxes strewn about seem endless, and my knees are starting to ache from my constant kneeling on the cold, hardwood floors throughout the house. Just as I lean over and begin unpacking a new box, Nate, my 4-year-old, races past me, bumping the tall cardboard container with his feet, sending it sliding several feet away. I stand up, and although I try to keep my cool, I yell after him to slow down—again. He is wild, and fast, and always on the go. He is getting tall and assertive too. Almost every day now, he reminds me that he is no longer a baby. “I am a big boy now, mom. I can do anything!”

A moment later, the two of them come crashing back into the living room and collapse on the floor next to me. Nate sits up though and instantly reaches his hands out to the pile of photo albums sitting on the floor nearby.


“Mama!” he exclaimed, pointing to my wedding album. “Is that the book about your wedding?”

“Yes, it is,” I say, thrilled to have caught his attention with something new. Do you want to look at it?”

He beamed, and without hesitation yelled, “yes!” He jumped up and picked up the massive book, clumsily lugging it in his small hands toward the kitchen where he placed it atop the kitchen table.

“Juliana!” Nate called, “come on, mama’s going to show us the pictures in her married book!” They sat down next to me and as we opened the album and began turning the pages of crisp, colorful photos, the two of them honored me with all of the appropriate oohs, and awes. Their little fingers pointed excitedly to each picture, complimenting daddy’s smile or auntie’s hairdo. They asked about the names of extended family members in the photos, who they still had yet to meet, and to them, most importantly, about what kind of cake we ate at the reception.

We continued to flip the pages of the album and when we were about half way through, Nate suddenly stopped and with a growing frown, looked up at me.

“Mama,” he said, while tears began to well in his big blue eyes, "how come I'm not in any of the pictures? Didn't I get to go to your wedding?”

I stared at him, speechless and completely taken aback by his question. I searched in mind for the appropriate response, and I paused for still another moment, willing my mind to produce a magic answer for him.

“Nate, sweetie, you hadn't yet been born,” I blurted out, regretting my choice of words the second they left my lips. In that one second, I knew with every fiber in my body that my careless choice of words had been terribly wrong. He couldn’t comprehend what I was saying. I watched his eyes narrow and his face wrinkle a bit. He didn’t even understand what I said.

He grows impatient with me and he begins to cry a deep muffled sob. He asks again, practically yelling at me this time, “why am I not in the pictures mama? Where was I?”

Juliana responds this time. “You were probably just a baby, Nate!”

“No, I wasn’t,” he snaps back at her, clearly annoyed at the mention of his being anything other then a big boy. "And even if I was, babies are allowed in church,” he tells her. “It’s not fair! I always want to be where you are mama, why didn’t I get to go to the party for your wedding?"

Wow, I think to myself. This is getting tricky, and the situation as a whole is quickly becoming one of my less finer moments as a parent. Why am I not able to offer him the knowledge we desperately need to see us through this conversation?

I reach out to him and pull his little body up onto my lap, offering him the only kind of security I’m able to in this confusing experience. I take a deep breath, stalling again and imagine what is going through his mind—if there was a time when he wasn’t alive, here with us, then where was he?

“Was I all alone?” He asks me, tears streaming down his cheeks. “Did you leave me at home by myself, or forget about me?”

And then, in an instance, it comes to me—focus on what he does know, what he is capable of understanding, what is said to him.

“Nate, no,” I practically whisper, “of course not sweetheart. You know mommy and daddy would never do that.”

He wraps his arms around my waist and buries his face into my shirt.

“Look,” I say, stroking his hair, “I know that you are sad because you can’t see yourself in the pictures, but you were there that day, you and Juliana both were, I promise. You were there in mommy and daddy’s hearts, you always have been.

He looks up at me then, content with finally hearing that he had been there—in some capacity. I give him a hug and before he has a chance to say anything else, I decide that at least for the rest of the day, we’ll just stick to the tangibles in life. I put Nate on his feet.

“Go back to that open box in the living room,” I tell them both, “and see if you can find your baby photo albums!”

Nate wipes his cheeks dry and before I know it, they’re both off and running—once again.

2010 New Year's Goals

Appreciating More of the simple moments in daily life

A refined list of my New Year's goals:

1. Eat better (less sweets and red meats, more veggies and fish)

2. Drink less (caffeinated drinks and wine!)

3. Exercise more (I know blah, blah, blah, this is starting to sound like every one's list of resolutions every year!)

4. Do more yoga

5. Read 15-20 novels- Any suggestions?

6. Finish my THESIS!!

7. Implement more Montessori methods into the kid's at home learning/create a specific learning spot for them in the house and only use it for the above mentioned

8. S-L-O-W down (and enjoy more of the simple, smaller moments in every day life)

9. Get more sleep/rest

10. Be more forgiving with myself

11. Pay more attention to my food allergies/sensitivities

12. Finish and print both kid's FIRST year photo albums (yes, I am such a slacker!)

13. Get back to a cleaning/housework weekly schedule

14. Customize our at home daily routine/RHYTHM

15. Play with the dogs more

16. Simplify my gardening expectations (instead of planting 15 different kinds of seeds, and having mediocre results, narrow it down to 3-5 kinds and really do it well!)

17. Read the manual that came with our awesome camera (a year ago!) and start learning how to really USE the amazing documentary tool!

18. Take more pictures

19. Organize and delete unwanted digital photos at the end of each month

20. Begin work on 2010 annual family photo album, this January, not next December!

21. Direct more energy into a few solid friendships with people here, instead of trying to make a whole heap of new acquaintances.

22. More importantly, spend more time nurturing EXISTING friendships!

23. Send mail once a week to Nana

24. Post here more often- resume Today's Memories

25. Apply for, and write more online reviews

Okay, I think that is good for now...I want to stay realistic! I hope I can accomplish all of these goals, I'll do my best to let you know how I do!

2010 Promises

As the New Year fast approaches, I am beginning to focus my thoughts on the age old idea of New Year's Resolutions!

It's easy for me to want to fall into this frame of mind because of our family's current position. After having just moved into a new house, in a new state, and after the past year of Pete's crazy travel schedule and the ups and downs associated with it, I can honestly say that it feels good to want to focus on making positive changes.

I remember writing about all of the resolutions I wanted to make for 2009 and of course, as usual, I had great intentions (I usually always do!). But intentions are just that, intentions-not promises. And as 2010 comes into sight, I commit, and I promise to make the changes I seek.

I am starting by promising myself to dedicate a certain amount of time each week to reading, understanding and embedding into my daily life all that I learn from a book I received from my sister, Krista, The Simple Abundance Companion.

This book (really a workbook of sorts) focuses on learning to accept yourself for all that you are and strives to get you to take a good solid look at how your choosing to live your life. Are you filling your days with work, errands, volunteering, grocery shopping, tending to your children, but never to yourself?

I am promising myself a slower new year, a more accomplished new year, and a more fullfilled new year.

Where do your 2010 New Year resolutions begin?