The Evolution of Me

I recall a time at the start of my parenting years when I felt so consumed by the transition of myself as an individual to the morphing of a mom, that I could hardly recall my previous identity. I was lost and terrified. Finally, after many failed attempts to reconnect with myself, I discovered the art of blogging.

Three and a half years ago I sat down at a cramped desk in my kitchen (three homes ago) and created this space. Like many other blogs, Kate's Musings originally began as a place for me to share my family's daily events with far away friends and relatives. But it wasn't long before I saw it as an opportunity to enhance my spirit as well. The mere presence of it was enough to fill me with renewed enthusiasm and a sense of excitement about rediscovering my lost voice and creativity. Over time it has transitioned into a life journal of sorts, and it has always been my goal to have it continue evolving just as I do.

I am an ever evolving soul. And as I grow older and maneuver my way through life's ups and downs, I am finding that sometimes this isn't such a good thing. I am often unsettled, and want to accomplish more than I am capable. This usually results in me having ten different projects going on simultaneously, or sometimes when life's events becomes overwhelming, I'll tend to lose interest all together...hence the occasional gaps in time found strewn throughout this blog. Don't get me wrong, I truly do have the best of intentions, but as the saying goes, "The smallest deed is better than the grandest of intention" (Roger Nash Baldwin). Now, more then ever, I am realizing that the many grand intentions I posses are actually working against my potential and my ability to accomplish a greater number of deeds--both small and great. 

This blog is an example of that, yet, while I find that I want to beat myself up over not meeting my original expectations, I'm forcing myself to see the many wonderful and smaller portions of good, and even great things that have come from it.  

Just like me, Kate's Musings has always revolved around great intentions, but also just like me, it has a tendency to be a bit scattered in direction, and therefore impact. This past year was a really tough one for me. With family circumstances that forced me to come face to face with true emotional turmoil, I couldn't help but sink deeply within myself for a while. But time does heal, and in many ways I am thankful for having had to endure this past year's struggles...they have made me into a stronger, more deliberate person. I am prioritizing, and giving more consideration than ever before to how I want to live this life, what I want to gain, and exactly what I am capable of contributing.

Hopefully, I can summon up the strength and courage to begin having this blog truly reflect these realizations. In the meanwhile, I just want to continue sharing my ever evolving story, and hopefully make some kind of a difference, some kind of an impact that will leave people a little bit better off, or even just smiling a little more.