- The Enormity of our House. The fact that our new home here in Birmingham is nearly THREE times the size of our first home, and that it has FIVE bathrooms should make it clear enough. Don't get me wrong, I am incredible grateful, but I am also often filled with a sense of hypocrisy in residing in such a gigantic home while simultaneously trying to live a "greener" lifestyle.
- The clutter. Two small children who desire to be into as many different projects (simutaneously, of course) as their mother also (usually unsuccessfully) attempts.
- The stress of continual cleaning. Two small children, two large dogs, an overworked husband, and just for kicks, I'll mention the five bathrooms again...need I say more?
- Not Making the Most of my Time. Confession: I've got Attention Deficit Disorder. There, you all know, now you can say to yourself, " wow, Kate, that really explains a LOT!" I know, I know, everyone seems to have ADD these days, but I really have it, bad. I was diagnosed with it eighteen years ago, before it became cool or a great excuse.
- Figuring out my Life Purpose. Thirty-six years old, Masters Degree in hand, wife, mother of two...crap...NOW what?
- Taking on too much Responsibility. It's classic ADD, really. I want to do it all, I swear, I'll try to do it all, I'll even promise you that I'll be able to do it all. But in the end I'll just disappoint you and myself, because the reality is that I actually have no idea how to do it all; I just know that I want to.
- The Guilt of not being the Best Mom I know I am capable of being. This is a hard one. I think every mom wishes she could be more, do more and give more to her children. Why can't I? Why is it that while I tried to clean the kitchen this morning, I overheard Juliana talking to a "pretend mom," and worse, the pretend mom gave her encouragement, "you can do it, I know you can!" Juliana voiced for her invisible helper. Why wasn't I in there giving her real encouragement? Why does she need a pretend mom?!!!! How can I be there for her, but also get the kitchen cleaned?
So, now that I have bared my soul to you, I am going to try and attempt some change here. That is a big word for me, you know, the ADD thing and all. Even though I want to, I don't change very well. I just get stuck. And then I'm miserable and overwhelmed, and still watching the clutter evolve around me, while I make dinner for the new parents down the street (whom I barely even know), and end my days going to bed filled with guilt over not teaching the kids something new that day, or folding the 5 loads of clean, and now wrinkled loads of laundry resting on the couch. If I don't change, I'll continue to feel immersed in that same old resentment, frustration, and, well, you know, you get the point.
To begin writing about the individual challenges of me- a mom on a mission to create a simpler life for herself, despite certain fixed, and unchangeable factors.
What I need from you!:
- For you to keep checking back here to see that I am (hopefully) making improvements! I need some accountability!!!
- words of wisdom (really don't be shy, I'll take any advice I can get!)
- resources (ie: web sites, articles, journals, books, etc...that have inspired, motivated, and or moved you to make changes toward living a simpler, less chaotic life.
- prayers...lots of them!!!!!